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02 เมษายน Another Month & Another BirthdayI have been told over the years that time only goes faster and faster the older you get. Well, I am turning another year older in a few days, and I simply can not believe that it is here already.
I remember being a kid, in the late 70s and early 80s, and thinking that by the year 2000 I would be an OLD man of 30. Although I may not look or think like my age, I sure feel it some days.
So, along with all the other changes I have been trying to implement in my life, I have joined a GYM for the first time ever.
I had my first 'consultation' with the cute young fitness girl last Thursday, and an abbreviated workout that day as she showed me the proper way to use the equipment and set me up with a pretty standard workout routine.
I worked my ass off over the weekend at my second job, only getting about 6 hours of sleep, but that didn't stop me from going to the gym on Sunday for my first 'official' 90 minute workout. I did not over do it, as I am not doing this to kill myself slowly, I took my time and made sure I did it right. My goal is to lose a little bit of weight (whatever reasonable would be), lose a couple of inches around my stomach, and lose my man-boobs! Don't get me wrong, at 6'2" a few extra pounds doesn't look to bad, but I know I have gained weight and have become sedentary over the last couple of years. And note that I did NOT say I am becoming sedimentary, although I feel it some days! I went in this morning at 6am and did a half-workout, and hope to go in 3-4 days a week. The power is in my mind...
I also got a nice raise at my real job last week, which became effective today, so I will see an increase of a couple hundred bucks a month (after taxes grrrrr) starting this month.
And, I think I am giving up on women. Oh. Wait....I guess it could be said I already have!
Meh, whatever!
My b'day is Easter Monday, so I will take it off and have myself a four-day weekend. And why not?
Time flies so fast, that just a few days after this b'day comes the next one....
29 มีนาคม There is no going back..."How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on when in your heart you begin to understand there is no going back? There are some things that time cannot mend, some hurts that go too deep that have taken hold" - Frodo Baggins in "The Return of the King"
Wow, what an odd place to find a quote that describes perfectly some of what I have struggled with over the last many many months.
I heard this line again for the first time when I watched the movie the other night, and was surprised at myself for not having realized that it succinctly sums up a lot of my situation.
Now, in the book, Frodo is able to hop on a fancy boat and sail away from his burdens in Middle Earth. Which is something that I was thinking about doing a couple short weeks ago, just leaving and starting over somewhere new.
Alas, it is not to be, and I must stay where I am and continue to 'begin to grow strong'. 28 มีนาคม Cool Pictures from SaturnNASA has released pictures of one of the most bizarre weather patterns ever recorded in our Universe.
Check out the hexagon! 21 มีนาคม Take the Path With heartOk, so the title is the same, but it's fitting.
I have spent a couple of days contemplating, and 'listening' to advice from my many virtual friends (I hope none of you take exception to being referred to as 'virtual', but it's not like we have ever shook hands and hugged and kissed...well, yet, anyway!).
I have reminded myself that is only normal to lose sight of your way from time to time.
The first step to take when this occurs is to recognize that your path has been obscured; it took me a couple of days to see this.
The second step is to try to figure out what it is that is blocking your way. I am working on this right now, while at the same time trying to figure out which way to turn.
My son was playing a video game the other day, one in which Mario was racing another character. They were running through a forest and had to cross wooden bridges, having two to choose from each time. One bridge would partially collapse, and the racer would have to turn around, run back a little way, and then take the other bridge in order to continue the race.
And while I am not racing anything but time (which is inevitable of course), I have certainly come to a bridge which is broken...however, I have more than one to choose from next.
My words were harsh; that was intentional for emphasis, and of course reflective of how I felt. 18 มีนาคม F*@k Off, and Good byePerhaps the language above is a little harsh, but I haven't been one to watch my tongue lately, preferring to get to the point.
It's a real shame when a person gets to the end of the rope only to find that indeed the only way to go is like in that Donkey Kong game, you either jump and hope for the best, or you get WHACKED again.
Two years.
I have wasted two years of my life.
When I left Calgary about 15 years ago, it was because I had nothing there but trouble. A long story which I will not get into.
Now I find myself, having wasted the last two years of my life struggling day after day after day with depression and financial problems, contemplating moving away. The only thing keeping me here are my children. There is nothing else. Job? Whatever, I can find another. Friends? HAHAHA! I haven't had a friend since I left my hometown 15 years ago.
So I am thinking about jumping.
Seriously.
Start over.
I will always have my kids, and they are all that is important, nothing and no one else is significant. They are the only 'things' I need.
So if I am able to find something somewhere that brings me a measure of 'happiness', whatever that may be, I will. 14 มีนาคม Income tax my ass!Well I filled out my tax return last night.
After struggling through yet another year trying to pay my bills and keep my head above water and having to borrow money from mom and dad on a couple of occasions, guess what?
Yes, the government apparently wants more of my money. $2,000 worth of my money.
What the fuck? I am soooo disheartened by that shit...Already my monthly paycheques, like yours, have nearly 35% of MY money being taken off for EI and CPP and Income Tax.
This year, I don't give a shit. I am sending 'them' a note saying 'Piss Off! Leave me the fuck alone so I can support my kids and have a LIFE'. I sent 'them' a letter before, which did nothing but make me feel a little better, and this year 'they' are getting another one.
Adding to my frustration is the blatant over taxation of hard working stiffs like you and me that has led to a HUGE 'surplus' in the government coffers, both at the Provincial and Federal levels.
I'm all for paying my FAIR share of tax. In 2006 I paid well over $17,000 in basic EI, CPP and Income Tax, never mind what I paid in freakin GST on nearly every damn thing I purchased.
And now the official government forms indicate I have to pay more?!?!
I'm gonna have to rob a bank or win the lottery.
08 มีนาคม Another self testI did it again, another test of my will power, though in a more backward fashion than my 24 hour fast from the weekend.
Those of you that have known me for a while know that I do enjoy my beer. I go through periods where I drink more than I should, and then go through a day or two where I have only a few. Now don't get me wrong; when I say drink, I do not turn into the raving lunatic/Incredible Hulk type creature that I used to. Drinking for me recently means a few a night, a six-pack on Saturday afternoon. Probably too much, and in my head I began thinking that it is too much.
So. Sunday, Monday and Tuesday I didn't have any.
Last night I polished of a six pack, the 6% Lucky Extra that I like, stayed up until 1:30am, and then got my ass out of bed at 7am to go to work.
I was little 'under the weather'
 . But I was laughing at myself.And I have realized that I don't need it. I have decided to seriously curtail my consumption. Now, I will not be foolish enough to say I will quit altogether, such as when I quit smoking my Captain Black's Cigars several months ago, but I can say with 100% certainty that I will, just like the food thing, be far more aware of how much I drink and be able to control myself.
We need to be consciously aware of what we are doing in the moment, choose that path with heart, rather than unconciously acting by habit or by rote.
06 มีนาคม FastingBeginning at 10:30pm Sunday evening, and ending last night, I went through a self-imposed fast. I had no food, just water, and yes, I did it on purpose, with a purpose.
It was actually fairly easy, being only 24 hours, but I learned a couple of things that I hope will help me continue to lose a little weight and also get my mind/body/soul/spirit/character even stronger, build up my personal power.
Now I know fasting isn't a good way to lose weight. However, being around food, and smelling food, and seeing commercials on TV...
The first thing I was exposed to when I got into the office on Monday morning were donuts...and Timbits. Someone had decided that they would be generous to the staff and bring in some munchies. Your natural reaction is to open the box and see what's in there and help yourself to the one that is most appealing to you. I chuckled to myself, and actually found that pretty easy to resist. Until closer to lunchtime.
At lunch time, everyone starts microwaving their food. One lady brought in salmon. Well, we all know how strong salmon smells to begin with, now put it in a microwave to warm up, and then carry it through the office on your way back to your own office...I normally go home for lunch, so I was able to escape this evil!
Afterwork, I went home to find my roommates barbecuing steak. And baking cookies. Bastards! I didn't tell them anything, and was able to sit there watching TV while they ate their suppers. Oh, watching TV...has anyone ever COUNTED the number of FOOD commercials on TV these days? No wonder we are a society that is getting more and more over weight every year.
So as the time of the end of my fast approached, I prepared myself a chicken sandwich, baked in the oven with some cheese and some salsa. And I enjoyed it with a glass of real orange juice.
I learned that conscious thought can overcome temptation. If I take that a step further, conscious thought should also be able to overcome addiction. I had to remind myself that I was not eating. My mind and my body reacted to all this stimulation and my hands would have picked at food and snacks all day. I learned that for this first step I have the power to control what I eat. I hope to use this to improve the way I eat and of course what I eat.
But it's not so much about losing weight.
It's about the power of my mind...
This morning, when I got into the office, I ate two of the timbits that were left in the box 05 มีนาคม We have the ability to be artists in whatever we choose"He who works with his hands is a laborer.
He who works with his hands and his head is a craftsman.
He who works with his hands and his head and his heart is an artist.”
St. Francis, religious leader
27 กุมภาพันธ์ The distance between you and your dreams is often the length of a single ideaEveryday we delude ourselves into thinking that we are great thinkers. We use our brains all day, for all types of thought, good and bad. Even when we sleep, our brains continue to work. And all of us believe that because of all this thinking our lives are in our own control because we think, because we are intelligent. That somehow our lives will be so much better because we think about ways to improve ourselves and our situations continually.
The truth is we are in fact deluding ourselves.
We are not thinking.
We are IMAGINING.
Thinking, real thinking, requires action. To get our imagination working for us instead of against us, we must stop imagining at some point and start thinking.
A friend of mine was imagining herself owning a tanning salon and selling designer clothing. After several weeks of imagining, she has stopped imagining, and has leased some retail space, and has started renovating and has ordered inventory. She stopped imagining, started thinking, and took action.
We waste tremendous power and precious time by imagining all the wonderful things we can be and do.
In order for us to live the lives we want and not the lives thrust upon us by someone else, in order for us to choose the path with heart, we need to change from imagining to thinking. 14 กุมภาพันธ์ Take the path with heartDon Juan (reference)
more Castaneda
Anything is one of a million paths. Therefore you must always keep in mind that a path is only a path; if you feel you should not follow it, you must not stay with it under any conditions. To have such clarity you must lead a disciplined life. Only then will you know that any path is only a path and there is no affront, to oneself or to others, in dropping it if that is what your heart tells you to do. But your decision to keep on the path or to leave it must be free of fear or ambition. I warn you. Look at every path closely and deliberately. Try it as many times as you think necessary.
This question is one that only a very old man asks. Does this path have a heart? All paths are the same: they lead nowhere. They are paths going through the bush, or into the bush. In my own life I could say I have traversed long long paths, but I am not anywhere. Does this path have a heart? If it does, the path is good; if it doesn't, it is of no use. Both paths lead nowhere; but one has a heart, the other doesn't. One makes for a joyful journey; as long as you follow it, you are one with it. The other will make you curse your life. One makes you strong; the other weakens you. Before you embark on any path ask the question: Does this path have a heart? If the answer is no, you will know it, and then you must choose another path. The trouble is nobody asks the question; and when a man finally realizes that he has taken a path without a heart, the path is ready to kill him. At that point very few men can stop to deliberate, and leave the path. A path without a heart is never enjoyable. You have to work hard even to take it. On the other hand, a path with heart is easy; it does not make you work at liking it.
I have told you that to choose a path you must be free from fear and ambition. The desire to learn is not ambition. It is our lot as men to want to know. The path without a heart will turn against men and destroy them. It does not take much to die, and to seek death is to seek nothing. For me there is only the traveling on the paths that have a heart, on any path that may have a heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge for me is to traverse its full length. And there I travel--looking, looking, breathlessly. The above is an excerpt from "The Teachings of Don Juan"
09 กุมภาพันธ์ A Freakin Love SurveyTHE LOVE SURVEY
1. DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT?
Sure, and lust also
2. COURTNEY LOVE OR JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT?
I'd do either one if the proper paperwork and protection was in order
3. IF YOU WERE A CANDY HEART, WHAT WOULD YOUR SAYING READ?
BLOW Me , of course lol
4. IF YOU LOVED SOMEONE SO MUCH, WOULD YOU GET THEIR NAME TATTOOED ON YOUR BODY?
Nope...virgin canvas for this guy
5. DO YOU THINK LOVE HURTS OR STINKS?
Both
6. WHO DO YOU LOVE ENOUGH THAT YOU WOULD TAKE A BULLET FOR?
My kids
7. DO YOU KNOW WHAT LOVE IS?
Fortunately I do
8. HAVE YOU EVER HAD YOUR HEART BROKEN?
Yep, just read some of my blogs and you see how bad
9. CINNAMON HEARTS OR HEART BOX OF CHOCOLATE?
Cinnamon hearts
10. HAVE YOU EVER USED A DATING SERVICE?
Yup
11. WHAT ARE YOU MOST ATTRACTED TO IN THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Softness, petiteness, laughyness, understandingness, cooperativeness( but that doesn't mean servile), smartness
12. WHAT TURNS OFF THE ATTRACTION FOR YOU?
One word...selfish bitches!
(lol)
13. DOES JOANIE LOVE CHACHI?
Who cares??
14. EVER PLAY 'SPIN THE BOTTLE' OR '5 MINUTES IN THE CLOSET'?
Nope
15. TO RUSSIA WITH LOVE OR THE SPY WHO LOVED ME?
Ummmm, don't know
16. HOW COULD SOMEONE PROVE THEIR LOVE TO YOU?
BLOW Me, of course lol
17. IS THERE ANYBODY YOU KNOW WHO LOVES YOU, BUT IS TOO AFRAID TO TELL YOU?
I seriously doubt that
18. WHAT DESERT DO YOU LOVE THE MOST?
Lemon Meringue pie
19. WHAT DO YOU LOVE THE MOST, BACK RUBS OR FOOT RUBS?
Back rubs...
20. WHAT IS YOUR MOST FAVOURITE LOVE SONG?
It's not a love song, it's a break up song that sounds like a love song
Break Your Heart by BNL
21. NAME 5 PEOPLE YOU LOVE, THAT YOU WILL TAG?
A Friday chuckle at my expenseSometimes you have to laugh about things because there is simply nothing else to be done.
Last week, as I was backing out of my driveway in my truck, I banged into my roommate's car which was parked in the street. The driver's door ended up with a fist-sized crack/hole in it, and the side view mirror was dislodged, but I don't think it was 'broken'. Of course, looking at my truck, you'd never know I hit anything, not even a scratch in the dirt.
So 'damn damn damn, what an idiot, not paying attention grumble grumble grumble, roomie I'm very sorry'. It didn't look bad, and the door opens and closes just fine, but it has to fixed. It's not a new car, it's 1999, but he had just purchased and just brought it home a few days before. He hadn't had a car for about 2 years, either, so he was pretty happy to get one. So a couple days later he goes to threee body shops to get quotes, and yeah, you guessed it, it's over $1,200! Shit shit shit! So now it has to be reported to the police before the body shop will work on it.
So I finally make it to the cop shop today, and have to explain what happened, complete the report really no big deal, just a pain in the ass and time consuming.
Until I get presented with a ticket! Double damn! A $115 ticket for 'backing up unsafely'. All I could say was "Thanks!"
HAHA! It was pretty funny actually, do my duty to report a minor minor bump into a parked car, and end up with a ticket. I should be praised for my honesty, get a little smiley face sticker or something.
But alas, that is not to be.
And I think I will continue to spell threee that way...I kinda like it. 02 กุมภาพันธ์ A Continuing JourneyA man, as a general rule, owes very little to what he is born with – a man is what he makes of himself
Alexander Graham Bell, inventor I have begun to realize that no matter what I try to do to improve myself and improve my life's circumstances, I can not seem to get 'anywhere'. During November and December, and into the early part of January, I attempted to earn some 'extra' cash by taking on some rather well paying projects. One of these projects was a limited success, the other was a dismal failure. During this time, I was working more more more than usual, 7 days a week about 10 hours a day, for about 6 weeks. I also put my real job in jeopardy, and came REALLY close to getting fired on January 3rd...nice way to start the year, eh? Now I know life isn't only about money, but it sure helps keep a roof over your head and food in the cupboard, doesn't it? I have blogged before about my problems and the drama that is my life, and I realize that a) not many people really care as we all have problems and drama, and b) those that do care really honestly can't do too much to help me. So, I have to figure out something ELSE to do...remember the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, right? It's too early in the next stage of my journey to determine WHERE I will end up, but I have turned towards a couple of goals. I can be successful in each of these endeavors without compromising the others as they are not related. It's not a 'secret', but I won't get into these goals at this time...I want to make some forward progress before I share. Just trying some different 'things' in order to get some results other than the discouraging ones I have been getting for so long. In the meantime, look at yourself, and determine what it is you can do to help someone else out. We all need someone to step up and help us out once in a while. Normally we really don't like to ask someone else for help; our pride dissuades us. So just offer instead and see what happens. Click for more about Mr. Bell
Succinct Communication“Accept complete responsibility both for understanding and for being understood.” (Brian Tracy, motivational speaker)
I have done my best to be clear in whatever communication I have entered into with people. For those of you that chat with me regularly, you will know this, or at least you should! Together with my recent blog regarding the Harm Principle, these two ideas basically sum up my life! Sad, eh, when that can be done in two short sentences? Lying and deception are not in my blood, and have no place in my life. With what I have lived through, I detest liars and people who deliberately deceive others. I don't like exaggerating 'things' either, words like detest and lie and hate are very strong words, and I don't use them lightly. Miscommunication is a major cause of problems between any people. If people would take the time necessary to make messages clear and take time to make sure messages are understood, life would be so much simpler for everybody. Now, I realize of course that deliberately lying and deceiving is substantially different than miscommunication or misunderstanding. However, what inevitably happens is, what begins as a 'simple' misunderstanding can easily give someone the perception that some attempt has been made to lie or deceive. So the problem intensifies, and can quickly result in confusion, at the least, or hurt feelings or much worse. When it is apparent that a message being sent is not clear, or a message being received is not understood, people MUST take the responsibility to get that clarity before additional problems arise. If you don't understand what I am saying, ask me what the heck I am talking about! Is that clear? And no, this is not directed at any one particular situation, so don't think I am talking about you.
Click here for more about Brian Tracy. 26 มกราคม Aaaaaaargh! Damn SpacesI am so freakin fed up with Spaces!! I want to visit other people's Spaces, I want to leave comments, as I want people to visit and leave comments on mine.
But everytime I visit a Space, my internet explorer freezes up and I have to reboot and I lose whatever it was I was working on!!!!
DAMN!!
This is not a new problem, it has been going on for a long time.
Is there anyone out there that can a) tell me if it is 'JUST' my computer or b) if it is in fact Spaces/MSN problems or c) people who have waaaaay too much stuff on their Space slowing things down???
Man.
Frustrating. Both kinds of music, Country and WesternWell, I went out DANCING last night.
Yup, it's true.
Dancing. I can't believe it either.
I haven't danced in.....a very long time.
I met a friend of mine and her brother and his girlfriend for a drink, and we ended up going to a bar where they play both kinds of music (Country & Western, thank you Hank Hill!), and if you aren't wearing a cowboy hat and plaid shirt and cowboy boots they think you're big-city folk, yup.
But, everyone was having fun, the place was quite busy and we were able to find a table for four close to the dance floor.
I even danced the two-step. A simple dance, but you gotta have rhythm and be able to keep the beat and be able to count to, you guessed it, TWO! And every now and then throw in a twirl and a YaHoo or a YeeHaw and everything is good!
The only problem with last night was we didn't meet until 10:30, so it was already 'late' and we called it a night at 1:00am...it would have been better to start at 9ish, but maybe next time.
We even snuck in a quick little kiss
It was fun! And God knows we all need a little fun once in a while. Too long without fun makes one a miserable old man. 23 มกราคม A wee bit of a jokeSo the wife comes running into the house at top speed, yelling loudly to her husband "Honey, pack your bags! I just won the lottery!"
"Wow!" he says, thinking of quitting his job and finding a tropical beach somewhere.
"Where are we going?"
She answers, "I don't care, just pack your bags and get out!" |
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