Ray's Place

“Things are suddenly coming to a difficult stalemate regarding the love and romance in your life, dear Aries. Perhaps you felt like everything was going fine and that you had nothing to worry about. In reality, this notion of "everything going fine" was just your self-denial hard at work, making you think that you could continue on the path you were on without really considering how your actions were affecting others. Be prepared for a reality check that you did not see coming.”

An itchy nose probably doesn't mean you are about to kiss a fool. That's just an old saying. But one study did find that, on average, a woman kisses 79 men before finding a husband.

In a lifetime, some people probably spend about the same time kissing as brushing their teeth. Not surprising then that anthropologists suspect smooching is embedded in human nature.

In fact, some researchers have determined that the brain has evolved its own special way for detecting a partner's lips when the lights are out.

"We've probably been kissing since the dawn of time," explains Kathryn Denning, a York University anthropology professor. "We know that chimpanzees kiss today, so we can assume our very ancient pre-human ancestors kissed as well."

Kissing cousins

With primates being close relatives to humans, it's safe to say sharing a peck is part of our lineage. Like people, primates don't just nuzzle or sniff, but kiss mouth to mouth. Chimpanzees, and particularly bonobos, exchange big wet kisses when they greet and leave each other. Their ritual is so analogous to the human one that they even kiss to make up after a fight.

Similarly, human kissing can be a relationship barometer. The British Marriage Guidance Bureau found that married couples on the verge of a split kissed less often. They were also more likely to have intercourse than to kiss - an indication the venerable lip-lock might be the most intimate of relationship

So, how did kissing evolve? One anthropological theory pegs it to a mother's mastication of food. Before the invention of processed baby food, mothers would chew food before passing it by mouth to their babies. Some cultures still use this practice, essential during the time after breastfeeding and before a baby cuts teeth.

Anthropologists also think kissing might originate from nuzzling and licking, the same way a dog licks her puppies after birth.

On the other hand, it just may be linked to our poor sense of smell. What a dog's keen scent detects in a few social sniffs, is next to impossible for a human to sense. People need to get up close and personal to recognize pheromones, the intimate chemicals that some say help in partner selection.

Denning speculates kissing has a long history because people enjoy it. "There are a lot of nerve endings in the lips," she notes, "so it feels good."

A kiss also releases endorphins in the brain that help relieve stress and even depression. During a typical smack, hearts can race to 100 beats a minute, blood pressure jumps, pupils dilate, lips swell and skin blushes.

Cultural and religious differences

While kissing is mostly about intimacy and love, it's also symbolically tied to friendship and respect within cultures and religions, which is the problem actor Richard Gere found himself in when he swept Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty into his arms in Delhi recently.

Some Hindus, including an Indian judge, labelled the televised kiss an act of indecency for its public display of affection. But that shouldn't suggest kissing isn't part of Indian culture. In fact, in 1500 BC, Indians were the first to document the kiss. Four Sanskrit texts recorded nose rubbing as a lovers' gesture.

Then there's the Kama Sutra. By the 6th century AD, the erotic text instructed on three types of kisses, including "touching kissing," to be performed with the tongue.

About 90 percent of the world's cultures engage in the lip variety - but very differently.

"Heterosexual men in America don't usually kiss each other, but it's the norm in parts of Europe, the Middle East and Africa," says Denning. "In contrast, male and female acquaintances might kiss on the cheek in North America, but this is a grave social offense in some other areas of the world."

From culture to culture, knowing how and when to pucker up can mean the difference between rejection and inclusion. To the Inuit, smell kissing, by rubbing noses, is customary. Certain African tribes literally kiss the ground walked on by their leaders.

In Victorian times, it was the rule in the better social strata for a man to kiss a woman on the hand when greeting. In rural Romania by contrast, a woman today will kiss a strange man's hand as a sign of respect. (Romanians find it rude the other way around.)

As of the 1700s, one of the few cultures not kissing were the people on the South Pacific island of Mangia. They had no knowledge of it before Europeans arrived.

Some places even condemn kissing. In 2005, a proposed Indonesian law would punish a public kiss with a jail sentence or fine. Also, it's only been recently that reserved China and Japan have begun shedding the notion that a public peck is uncouth.

Antiquated kissing laws are still on the books in some American states. A husband can't kiss his wife on Sundays in Hartford, Connecticut, and kissing a stranger is illegal in Cedar Rapids, Iowa.

The ritual also has religious connotations. In his book Kissing Christians, author Michael Philip Penn explains that, for early Christians, kissing set group boundaries and emphasized a familial relationship between members of the church.

Historically, Christians didn't kiss outside of their religion - they refused to kiss pagans or heretics. Penn also notes that Jews didn't have to kiss as part of their religion.

'Definitely an acceptance thing'

Psychologists have long associated kissing with acceptance. A Toronto artist tested the limits of this idea when he set about to kiss 100 women in four months as part of an art project. His goal was to experiment with his own social boundaries.

"Before that I was a shy person with girls, and pretty conservative," explains Tim McCready. "Getting somebody to kiss me was definitely an acceptance thing. I'd think, 'Can I get this girl to kiss me?' And the results were surprising."

Kissing close to 130 women, McCready found most women were quite willing to participate, especially once they found out it was for art. The idea was controversial to some, he says, while others found it to be funny and smart.

And what did he learn most about human nature through this experiment? Well, he says, "Kissing is more social than sexual, and it doesn't necessarily mean anything."

SO.

Saturday, I had a choice.

Go to work at my ‘other job’ in order to pay my bills, or go out to a retirement party for one of my bosses.

I knew it would be kinda dull at the ‘party’, but I also knew that if I do not take some time for ME that I would go even more freakin crazy than I am.  I knew that if I went to this retirement gig I would be home at a decent time and be able to get to bed at a decent time and be able to sleep until a decent time in the AM.

However, missing a night of work at the paper costs me money in lost hours.

Whatever.

I went to the event with the coworkers, solo, expecting the evening to be low-key, mellow.  Plus free booze and free food is kinda hard to pass up.

Later, I was getting geared up to go to a local watering/dancing place.  I haven’t been to one of these places for several weeks, and the last time I went to one was several months after the previous time.  So, yeah, it’s been a loooooooooooong time since I treated myself to some time out.  I have gone out with my roomies once in a while, don’t get me wrong, but we do the lounge thing for wings and a beer, not the freakin’ dance/pick up bars.  Different vibes.

I left the retirement thingy, came home and changed into something less formal, and pumped myself up to go to this other place.  Yikes……..

I got there at about 11pm, early enough to avoid the worst of the line up at the door.  As I walked in, following the herd (I could almost hear us mooing), the 18 year old doorman didn’t even want to see my ID (although the previous 17 people all had to empty their pockets and pee in a cup in order to get in)…as I went by and he waved me in all I could say was “Thanks”….yeah, fuck me I am old now.

I’m the tallest person in the joint, except for one big ass mofo that is at least six inches taller than I am.  I notice this as I am checking out the dance floor and see all the heads bobbin’ and weavin’ in sync to the muzac.  Not that I am much of a dancer, but there was NO originality out there…they all looked like Ricky Martin wanna beeeeeee’s.  I’m not exactly sure what that means….

I ordered a beer from the 18yr old bartender, and wandered around the joint, trying not to jostle the 18yr old girls and the 18 year boys as they went about the charade of trying to look cool and hot at the same time.  So not my scene.  Pretty sad actually.

These kids are trying to have fun, and there’s this old fat guy wandering among them.  I felt like a parent chaperone, standing out in the crowd like a beacon.

I lasted one beer, barely half an hour, and had to leave.

Sunday sucked, except for the couple of hours I got to spend with my daughters.

I was so disheartened by the whole experience, I went to the gym and pounded my legs harder than I have so far, and then sat in the sauna for about 30 minutes sweating my ass off.  Trying to relax.

Now, at 10pm Sunday, I am still wound up tighter than a pauper at a pay toilet.

What will this week bring?